Up too late. Again. I’m super sleepy, but I must write because I made a promise to myself, and each stroke of the keys is me following through and keeping my word. Feels good, even though my right eye is closed and my left eye is drooping, and bouncing closed and open and closed and open again. Damn, I’m sleepy.
Some pretty cool things are unfolding right now; and some pretty scary stuff too. I love my life; and sometimes I feel overwhelmed by it. I’m GRATEFUL for every day I’m being given here to LIVE and explore this human journey.
Sometimes I allow petty things to get under my skin, and when I do I feel shame and judgement toward myself that I’m no Pema Chodrin when it comes to Grace; except when I am. And for those moments, when I get to walk in compassion, I’m so grateful.
I call my unenlightened moments, “Spiritual Narcolepsy” because I can feel totally Spiritually awake one moment, and then the next I’m seething because someone darts in front of me to steal the only parking space for blocks on the hottest day of summer when I’m on a deadline. I feel myself become livid at times; then I breathe and think, “I am THAT too.” And eventually I come back to a place of love for the asshole, and forgiveness for myself for having judged said hole as such.
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That first segment was written sometime after midnight last night. I fell asleep before I could finish and hit “send.”
The following segment is a celebration of my past, present, and future. This first performance of Slow Down Groove was about finding something within myself to share as an artist. It was risky for me, and I thank “Sally Sincere” and “Trixy Lane” from Off The Record Cabaret for coming out to play and share their gifts. I found courage in our rehearsals to finally share this piece LIVE. I felt so shaky at times I could barely sing, especially at the beginning, but it was so much fun to share this little autobiography.
Terror creeps up sometimes as I’m about to perform, and it happened at the beginning of this song. =) It resulted in a couple of little pitch issues, but I’m happy with the overall performance… a good first effort…. singing through knocking knees. =)
CLICK THIS LINK TO WATCH THE VIDEO: Please respect the 18 or over guideline for viewing. https://vimeo.com/139434593
This song is really more of a musical story with its loose structure. It was a nod to my past, from classic good girl to exotic dancer to preacher’s wife to performance artist. Yes. THAT all happened. And I’m no longer ashamed, because those experiences were a time of tremendous growth and humility for me. I’ve learned so much about life; things I would have been well-served to learn as a younger woman. I learned about judgement and misogyny and personal empowerment, negotiations, boundaries, and TRUE self respect.
Thanks for being here and reading this, however it may land for you.
Here is to brighter tomorrows for everyone.
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