Dear Diary,

When I was a young girl, I Loved my diary.  I mean LOVED it!  I’d tell it my most sacred secrets, turn the key in the little lock on the front, and pull it under the covers for safe keeping safe while I slept.  It was a true affection I felt for my little book of secrets.

And, when I didn’t write in it for some time, which was often, I’d feel a guilt similar to when I’d not kept in good correspondence with a dear friend.  It was self imposed, and needless… as guilt tends to be.

This morning I felt the same feeling in returning to this blog.  “Dear Diary…” and there it was again.

What childish guilt are we holding, that is keeping us from living the most wonderful life possible?  I call it childish because part of being a healthy adult, I believe, is moving beyond guilt, and into reconciliation, healing, and Love.

Sometimes we can even feel guilty about our feelings about something someone else said or did.  That’s helpful… she wrote with a lilt of sarcasm. 😀

In this season of “Joy and Good Tidings,” many of us are confronted by old wounds, and “Ghosts of Christmas’ Past.”  Family dynamics that might have left us feeling powerless and alone, can be reignited in times of reunion.

Is there any place of unwanted guilt in our hearts today?  Was is something we said or did?   Something we did not do?  An anger or resentment we held when we felt like victims?

As a survivor, and one who knows the pain of feeling victimized by sexual abuse and violence, I now release (again) any guilt I felt about it being my fault, knowing it is a lie.  I release guilt about what the revelation of it did to my family.  I release guilt that I was not a “good enough” Christian to save Jesus from the cross.  I release guilt about our family pet who was killed due to my seven-year-old negligence.   In this moment I forgive myself for anything and everything, and I forgive anyone who has ever caused me harm.  I am at peace.

Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves more than once for the same mistake, and it is worth the effort.  For “being the change we want to see in the world,” begins with our own, personal liberation.  Until we have truly released guilt and judgement, how can we ever hope to truly Love ourselves enough to Love the whole world?  And isn’t that the greatest ideal to which we can aspire?

The “Loving What Is” experiment taught me a lot.  I’m still using The Work, and showing myself Grace, when it feels like I’ve fallen short of embodying the principles of my highest ideals.

Today, I invite “whosoever will” to join me in releasing any guilt or shame you’ve been wearing as an albatross.  Let it go.

You are free.  It is your birthright.

Go in Joy today.



PS.  New idea for my radio show; “Life With Leela – Conscious Conversation and Music for a Better Life.”  Would you listen? 


2 thoughts on “Dear Diary,

  1. Christine Ruddy

    Yes, I would listen and yes, I would participate! Class conversations but on the radio so more people could participate would be great! Exploring all the principles and books and ideas that come and practicing them as they come – brilliant!

    I believe and know that you have forgiven and released the pain that was yours to release and by doing so you have given us all permission/energy to do so! Thank You!


    1. I love you, Christine. Thank you for being such a bright Light in my life and the lives of all you touch.
      David and I have begun our “Practicing the Presence” journals. Today’s was about Bliss, and all I could think to write was:


      That’s it.

      Thank you for being a safe place to cry when I need to and just know that it is part of the process of being human and feeling fully alive.
      xo Sister!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s